Act Cute Wednesday

Haha. Haha. Haha.
So. Not. Funny.

-_-

Seriously lah. Work's driving me crazy, I tell you. Can't take it no more. I need to get out of here somebody save me take me away please release me let me goooOoOoooOOo. T_T

Also hor, actually not easy to act cute when wearing serious black-framed glasses. But lucky I got skill. *cough cough* *grin* Ok, enough nonsense. Back to work. T_T

Hate Love?

"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defences, you build up a whole suit of armour, so that nothing can hurt you.

Then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life. You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore.

Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love."

– Author Unknown


----------

When you love, you open yourself up to the possibility of getting hurt. You put yourself out there by letting someone in. Sure, you don't lose yourself in the process. (You're not supposed to and you shouldn't anyways.) But... you do give a part of yourself away. Willingly. And that's the part that holds the most possibility of turning everything into a messy puddle of post-love goo.


When in love, we all play the selfless lover who gives of him or herself without measure. But when love goes awry, we go buruk siku on our exes and say that they've cost us our happiness, the best years of our lives, and we charge them heavily in emotional dollars for taking a part of us away with them with 'Goodbye'. Scorned lovers, that we all are, after the end comes. How unfair we all can be... even with those we once professed to love with all our beings.


"I love you" allows someone who doesn't share your DNA, into your heart, into your head and under your skin. But hey... YOU said the words, didn't you? YOU felt the emotion enough to let it roll off your tongue and slip past your lips. YOU took a chance. And by taking it, YOU made the investment. It was YOU who opened yourself up to the possibility of loss – of face, of ego, of heart – whatever. So, don't go blaming the one you loved for the loss you feel after.


And don't go hating on Love either. When you're crumbling on the inside, your head's a mess, and you're lying on the floor in actual, physical pain that just rips you apart from the inside out, remember that it's Love that's going to get you off the floor at a later time, too. Probably when you're feeling less at odds with her and are ready for her to re-enter your life once again. Because Love doesn't hurt. It heals. It's the lack of Love that causes "real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain."

Give that last part a think.
You know I make sense.

Wise Words From The First Lady

"Cute’s good. But cute only lasts for so long, and then it’s, 'Who are you as a person?' That’s the advice I would give to women: Don’t look at the bankbook or the title. Look at the heart. Look at the soul. Look at how the guy treats his mother and what he says about women. How he acts with children he doesn’t know. And, more important, how does he treat you? When you’re dating a man, you should always feel good. You should never feel less than. You should never doubt yourself. You shouldn’t be in a relationship with somebody who doesn’t make you completely happy and make you feel whole. And if you’re in that relationship and you’re dating, then my advice is, don’t get married."

– First Lady Michelle Obama to Katie Couric in an interview for
Glamour magazine's Women of the Year issue, December 2009


[Source]

Yes, you're looking at the cover of Glamour's December issue. So, yes, I can see into the future. And yes, Michelle Obama has a point.

Going Vague On Purpose

Sometimes I wonder if Guarantee is too much to ask for. Whether Potential is enough to go with. And whether Maybe is enough to leap off a cliff for.

Hmmm. Maybe not.

Home Cooked Fast Food – YUMS!

Was sitting home, catching up on work yesterday evening and feeling sorry for myself when my phone rang. Looked at the screen and thought, "Ooo, nice number from nice people!" so I picked up. (Otherwise I probably wouldn't have if I was intent on doing work and I knew that it'd be a chat-for-fun-talk-nonsense-no-purpose call – sorry lah, bad working habit. Me no likes pointless distractions.)

Ended up getting roped in for dinner
at the closest place I can call "home" here in KL
with the closest people I can call "family". =)

There was pizza with pepperoni, bacon and LOTS of herbs.

Fresh out of the oven... and straight into the mouth. *burn!* It's so good that The Garrett makes very wrong sounds when he eats it. =p

Then there were burger patties, a tub of margarine,
sauteed mushrooms (TO. DIE. FOR.) and lettuce.

Sorry, was too hungry and the burgers looked too enticing that I walloped two big ones before I remembered I hadn't yet taken pictures. HAHA. Had to take a picture of estherlauderlyn's <--- [This blog is dead. Please resurrect it. Thank you.] --- burger instead.

Damn delicious, I tell you. The burger literally drips with juice. I kid you not. I see now also can lau nua. Like dog kena conditioned liddat. Haha. But I've gotta say... this was the part of the meal that really stole my heart...

*heart melts / legs turn to jelly *

I even got to tapau a whole tupperware of it back home, thanks to my one and only partner in crime (NOT SIDEKICK, mind you – inside joke), The Lauder One. How to not feel loved, I ask you? =)

Flanked by The Lauder One (left) and a chin-less Supersara (right).

With estherlauderlyn.

Thanks, girls (and The Garrett – nice to finally meet you!), for making my night. =) It was a good escape from work. Even if only for a couple of hours. SPEED SCANDAL to be continued soon! Sharing is caring. Me wants softcopy!!!


And thank you, The Lauder One, for refusing to take "no" for an answer and MAKING me go over for a good home cooked meal. It's been awhile since I've had one of those. More girly time soon, ok? Too many updates to share in too short a time. *cough cough* You know, I know. *grin* Loves you long time. Hearts!

Go, Me!

Today I realised that I am able to get my face and hair from Right Out Of Bed to Catwalk Ready in just slightly over a half hour. 35mins to be exact – not too shabby timing for a girl who doesn't pretty up much, duncha think? =p Don't mind me while I stay pleased with myself. =)

Safe & Sound

Last night, I crawled into bed, plumped up my pillow, got under the covers and fell asleep in the loving arms of a man I know would never ever intentionally hurt me, let me down or deliberately disappoint. In the safety of his warm embrace, and at the last hours of wake, I reflected on the exceptionally horrid day I endured.


Head and Heart ached still from the confusion I put them through in the last 48 hours. Body – worn out, spent and broken from the abuse of Work, Church Responsibilities and Emotional Stress. Blinking back tears in the dead of the night, I looked into the darkness and sighed. I felt so utterly defeated. Mentally, emotionally and physically.


But with each touch to my wet, freshly-showered hair and every pat to my aching head, he brushed all my worries, aches and pains aside. I closed my eyes. Just so I would fully enjoy the sensation of Tension leaving my body. In the dark, with my nose cold from the AC, I relaxed and got kisses on the forehead and "I love you" whispers enough to last me all the way till I see him again on December 11.

It was a very good night of very good sleep.

No.13

I know who the sender was already! The mysterious dozen got busted when No.13 arrived last night... along with a 1-trick magic show. =p

Thanks. =)

Blooms To Shoo Away The Gloom

Dari who ah?

Received this bouquet of a dozen orangey-fuchsia-ish roses yesterday. The card had a nice message but no sign-off. Hmmm... how very mysterious. All I know is that it's gotta be a reader. Guarantee. The message in the card made that pretty clear. In fact, I have reason to believe that it was sent in response to this post.

Time for me to do some detective work.
Tene nene. Tene nene.

No Black Or White

I'm looking into the face of Confusion and she's not a pretty sight. Standing on the thin divide between Being Nice and Being Stupid, I feel torn. On my left sit Understanding, Trust and Kindness. They smile and nod – small gestures that tell me I'm doing the right thing. But I also feel the heavy gazes of Fear, Insecurity and Anxiety as stare me down from my right. Gleefully mocking me with evil eyes as Alarm and Panic pound their fists at the doors of my heart relentlessly.


What do I do? How do I know if what I'm doing is right? Second time around and I still don't know? But wait... do I even have control over the situation this time? Or am I just a pawn that's waiting for her turn to be led out of the chessboard in time to come as other people make their moves? Is this all just a game, in the first place? Why am I thrown into this hypocritical mess of black and white squares that are but grey areas under cheap lamination?


I don't want to choose a square. I don't want a next move. I don't want to make a choice. Because I know that as all roads lead to Rome, every choice will lead me to that dreaded checkmate moment. It won't be me calling it though. And I don't think I'll hear it either. But checkmate – the word still rings loud and clear. Hanging in the air unsaid but vibrating through my being like low bass notes that linger long after the high accents of treble fade away.

Checkmate, friends.

The one simple word that puts an end to it all.